The Inner Makeover: Confidence about your looks

Dealing with body dysmorphia, feeling unattractive — and manifesting a better body image

The beauty industry is worth billions a year. People are paying a fortune to try to make themselves look better. It’s arguable if it works, or if it’s just a never-ending quest. But it’s an important subject for so many people. For some, looking good is an obsession based on constantly feeling they are not good enough.

Feeling unattractive

Since lockdown, depression and anxiety related to body image has skyrocketed. Reasons include people having more time to critique themselves in mirrors etc, and also due to the technology that enabled so many people to work from home. Unflattering camera shots on Teams etc are like staring at a reflection in a bad mirror for much of the day. They have sent certain people reeling into cosmetic surgery research.

Although I’m all for whatever support we are guided to use — if we try to fix the “out there” image without making the shift within, we will sort one feature only to move our self-criticism to another one. That is why even when people take time to correct a problem, the problem shifts to something else. The problem is the mindset. What needs to be fixed is the level of self-confidence rather than anything outside. And then it’s amazingly how outer beauty shifts to match that, sometimes without us needing to do a thing.

When we sort our general self-image it’s incredible about how firstly our perception shifts in a way we may not have thought possible — and then the body itself changes to match our self-image, as amazing as that sounds. I know, as I have personally witnessed people radically changing their looks through doing the inner work alone.

The confidence shift

It might be hard to believe, but confidence is the most important thing when it comes to actual physical beauty. Not only does it make you stand taller, but it actually affects your appearance in so many ways. It makes you glow. Studies have shown how it does this, but it is also beyond our current ways of study. It’s more than just posture and radiance — it’s the most transformational shift you can make in this area. It’s not “just confidence” — it’s everything. And I’ve seen the results.

In my regular groups in London, I have seen incredible, almost-unbelievable-unless-you-were-there shifts through people transforming their looks or looking years younger than they did before, or regrowing hair that they’d lost, or getting a complete cosmetic makeover with features looking different without doing anything external, as I saw in several of the group attendees. It’s amazing but all had one common denominator — the results were gained by the people who consistently did the practices to shift their inner world and become confident. I could write a book about the results and perhaps I will. (I’ve written a detailed chapter in Feel Better, No Matter What about body image but I’m talking about sharing more success examples).

All of your others emotions are valid, too

Before you think that you have to find a way to immediately feel confident about your looks and are trying to figure out how — the good news is, insecurity is OK too. And so is fear and even feeling awful about yourself. It has to be, if that’s how you are feeling. And the feelings will pass. Other people have felt like this too — that awful feeling of wanting something you don’t feel is possible. Well let me tell you, it is possible. Some of those people I have seen get the results were so depressed they couldn’t get out of bed — and now look at them. Sometimes, I’ve found, the more intensely negative people feel, the greater the results are when they make the shift. In fact, feelings like insecurity are a necessary part of your journey as my work shows — it’s a literal weightlift to evolve confidence.

And so rather than trying to jump straight into feeling like a supermodel, firstly you’ve got to be OK with where you are and how you feel. And how you feel right now is the perfect place to start.

Mirror battles

Despite our senses seeming to show reality — they are not always accurate. And body image problems are about perspective rather than a fixed reality.

Mirrors are not a reflection of reality. Most people don’t realise that mirrors don’t show us reality, they show us a mood. When the actress Charlize Theron was asked what she sees when she looked in a mirror she answered “sometimes a goddess… And sometimes a monster”. Our perception can be this variable, showing more of a reflection of how we feel, and that’s why mirrors can be our worst enemy when we are in an attack of self-criticism about our bodies.

For people with a problem in this area, what they see in the mirror is totally changeable. They also use camera images as a way to beat themselves up and “check” how they’re looking, even though as I said, we are not fixed looks we are fluid.

What to do

1. Ignore the mirrors for a while

Here’s a tip for when you do have to use mirrors, to get ready for example: firstly, see yourself “in outline”. Acknowledge that you are not seeing reality — but a mood. There’s no use in zooming in for details.

2. Try to welcome where you are

If you do see an unattrctive mirror image or photograph, try to laugh about it. Realise it’s not personal, many people get this — and the image is not you — it’s just a mood.

3. Meditation

Meditation allows you to step back from the overthinking mind — which can just take you over when you are in an panic attack of worries over body image. If you’re already meditating, increase it. As much as you may have been told that 10–15 minutes is enough, it often isn’t. Sometimes it can take way more than this just to wait for the overthinking to settle before we even begin the process.

The way mirrors are meant to be used

When you’re back ready to trust the mirror — then use it for it’s main purpose. Connect with your eyes and project an uplifting, empowering and ‘coaching’ message to yourself.

Confidence Evoke

Now you’re feeling a bit clearer, it’s time for the real beauty treatment — the one that begins within but shifts everything else.

I don’t care about age, physical features, anything — if you feel beautiful, you are. You know it and the world knows it — and you care less what the world thinks, anyway. And that’s what’s true.

So what you’re after is the shift from lack of confidence to confidence. Or, you can spend a fortune spending on beauty products which won’t do a thing if they don’t shift that all important self-perception.

Knowing confidence is the answer you’re after is the easy bit — the big question is how to do it.

One of the best practices I know is one I created called the Confidence Evoke, which I write about in my book Feel Better, No Matter What — it’s a written practice where you recall similar feelings of beauty to how you want to feel. Although we can’t always jump into super-confidence, this practice steps you there gently. After a while — shorter than you can guess — the inner shift happens. And then the outer follows, too.

I’ve seen people radically change their looks, and the ones who did it did the work or, as one woman said, she was so desperate she gave the practices — specifically the Confidence Evoke — everything. It didn’t work for those who were just “every now and then” about it.

You don’t have to work on specific features such as hair or nose shape or all of that. Just a general feeling of confidence. And this practice shows you how to achieve that — not in theory, but in practice.

Why Now is the time to begin

We are supposed to constantly be changing for the better. Of course, that isn’t the norm. But in the mainstream, because as most people go through time they pick up more overthinking which blocks them benefiting from their improvements.

However it’s never too late to begin to clear that fog of overthinking and manifest the results you want. I’ve seen people going off track for years and then turning it around in months. Sometimes, then these results are more spectacular — the further off track you go, the more you weight life “on track” — so you can’t go wrong.

Many people are applying this work and transforming their body image for the better. Now it’s your turn. It’s time to meditate. It’s time to be kind to yourself. And it’s time to shift gears and love yourself enough to give yourself that makeover within using these practices, which is the best place to begin. You’ll be amazed at the results.

Discover the Confidence Evoke in the book Feel Better, No Matter What by Michael James and published by Watkins Publishing. http://instagram.com/michaeljamesbe