How to Feel Better, No Matter What

With all of the different Personal Development voices trying to get your attention — there’s something I want to say to you: You don’t need to change yourself. You are OK as you are.

So many self-help approaches can be about improving ourselves rather than accepting ourselves. Although this seems reasonable advice, there’s a problem with this in the fact that it gets us to feel perpetually not good enough. What’s more, when we try too hard to change ourselves, we find it hard to change. In our resistance, we stay stuck.

I know all about this firsthand, after my journey of working on myself for years through self-help books and workshops. Year after year I felt no better and despite hoping things would change — they didn’t. My life stayed pretty much the same.

It’s through unconditional acceptance that change happens

We read a lot about being our own best friend — so much so that it sometimes makes us cringe — but it’s very good advice. The question is — are we doing this, or are we just reposting and repeating quotes about doing it on social media?

Being your number one supporter in this way means that you champion yourself, no matter what. It means having that level of self-acceptance that means you are there for you all the time, whether you make a mistake or not — you reassure yourself. In this atmosphere of gentleness with self, we naturally become who we are meant to be. We also find that people respond to us differently, too — plus we more easily can give others the benefit of the doubt, too, once we have given it to ourselves.

Unconditional acceptance seems obvious were it not for that lower-self mind chatter that tells us that if we are too kind to ourselves we’ll just become lazy and won’t change. Experience has shown us that this isn’t true at all. When we fully accept ourselves, we move into our power and get inspired to do the things we need to do in order to live our best lives. On the other hand, when we criticise ourselves the door to positive change closes and we often end up spinning in overthinking like a shaken-up snow globe.

Accepting ourselves also means accepting the times we don’t love ourselves or we are thinking “negative thoughts” — it’s unconditional. When we read everywhere that that we’ve got to love ourselves or “be positive” in every moment, we can get the message that we’re not good enough if we’re not doing that. But this can be just more criticism and a total denial of the human experience. After all, no one has managed to get through life feeling 100% happy 100% of the time. Life just wasn’t designed that way. The negativity is not negativity, but the source of our evolution, like resistance training at a gym. Challenges really do make us stronger. Without them, life would be boring — and we wouldn’t evolve. And so one effective way out of our negativity is to meet it — and ourselves — with unconditional acceptance.

There’s this spiritual idea that we are created perfectly — no improvements necessary. There’s something really relaxing about this idea that we are already, created perfectly — it means we can relax. We don’t have to fix ourselves. We don’t have to work on manifesting our ideal life all the time or raising our vibrations. We can go with the flow of our moment. This is what it means to trust in life. We can discover the perfection of who we are — and then be it more fully.

I’m not saying resolutions aren’t a good idea. But make your resolution a daily thing — and make it about being gentler with yourself; to unconditionally champion yourself at a deeper level by following through with an authentic spiritual practice which contributes to self-acceptance.

Being more ourselves is the secret to success

We all know deep down that the secret of success is to be more ourselves, and yet we are often encouraged to be more like other people; people we term successful. And yet success and certainly happiness rarely comes from copying other people and trying to be like them. Why become a second rate them when we could be a first rate us? When we are fully ourselves, we have no competition. But when we try to copy those people in the public eye who may be seen as successful, we are competing with hundreds of thousands if not millions of people who are doing the same.

Being fully ourselves is not always as easy as it sounds. That’s because one of the biggest obstacles to doing so is one of the biggest collective fears of all — caring what other people think.

The thing is, “they” (as in the lower self mind chatter aspect of all of us), judge. That’s what that part of the mind does. So you will be judged just as much by trying to fit in than if you are fully being you. But you will feel better if you are feeling fully you- that’s the difference — and you will inspire others. You want to accept the fear of caring what other people think as something we all have dealt with — and then also see it as the “workout” that it is; it’s an attitude that’s evolving it’s opposite: more freedom and not caring so much. I have seen many people shift from really feeling controlled by the other opinions of others to just confidently being them. It is possible and easier than you might think.

Through my latest book, Feel Better, No Matter What: A 4-Week Course to Love the Life You Have Right Now I share some practical and proven ways to shift your life through unconditional self-acceptance rather than self-improvement — and then find the courage to live life as you; the real you. When you are confidently being yourself — your life works. We then delve into romantic relationships, relationships with family and work colleagues, body image and health and even how to deal with judgement and social media. Through original practices you’ll be able to consistently stay in your power.

I see Feel Better, No Matter What as a radically different kind of handbook — something to refer to to get you into your connection and to sort out the most important relationship of all — that one with yourself. Once you’ve given yourself the gift of self-acceptance, all that overthinking clears like clouds in front of the sun and you can walk out into the world being yourself, no matter what.

Feel Better, No Matter What: A 4-Week Course to Love the Life You Have Right Now is available now and published by Watkins Publishing. Find Michael on social media @michaeljamesbe and www.michaeljames.be.