Be More You: The simple secret of successful people
There’s a chapter in my book Feel Better, No Matter What called Be More You. I love this expression, as it is simultaneously self-love and self-expression at the same time. Being more you is the key to confidence — and confidence is key to success. When you’re confidently being you, you overthink less — you are clearminded. Without the fog of mind chatter, you are open to that part of the mind which has all the best ideas, and the best timing. Being more you is the one thing that all successful people have in common; despite having different personalities or approaches to life, they are being more fully themselves than the competition is being themselves. Bring to mind a successful person you know — wouldn’t you say they are uniquely them rather than someone trying to be someone else?
Deep down we know this is true but the question is, how do we do it? How do we become more ourselves in our own lives — and why is it sometimes so difficult?
How to follow your calling — and find out who you are
The first thing is to find out who you are. Many people are so lost in overthinking that they don’t know who they are — their sense of self and wants and desires are molded by others around them whether advertisements, upbringing or people’s opinions around them. With social media, it seems like most everyone is trying to be like someone else.
For example, you might have seen a certain lifestyle and believe you have to hustle to get that. You think that your lack of motivation is stopping you doing those things the latest personal development guru told you to do to acheive what you want — but pause a second, is it really ‘you’ to do those things or are you just following someone else’s path?
This is an important point, because feeling the fear and then doing it anyway doesn’t work if it’s not something that you really want to do. If you push ahead and do that thing that isn’t really you, it’s just not going to have the same effects it has for someone who is being who they are. It might get you some success, but there will be something missing — you.
The great news is what you really want to do — which is being more you — is going to make you the happiest. So firstly you want to clear your mind and do the “inner work” and find out who you are. The practices in my book will help you do this.
How your insecurities can hide your purpose
Usually we have something that blocks us doing or being the very thing that we are meant to be doing. We might secretly really want to do something, but our past insecurities stop us. As I’ve often said in my work, sometimes we seem to have a weakness in the exact area we want to succeed in. For example, we want to be a powerful role model for people but we were bullied at school and are still carrying that wounding. This makes us feel like an imposter and as a result, this can keep us stuck.
I remember someone who I could tell had a big mission in demonstrating being confident about who she was and wanting others to feel the same. In my mind’s eye, I saw her as an example of someone living her calling and speaking to vast numbers on stage. But the person in front of me, although there was a glimmer of that confidence, was clouded in embarrassment and scared of what people would think — she’d developed this due to being thrown out of a group because of her sexual orientation in the past.
I shared with her the vision I had seen and in a second her whole energy changed. Her posture changed. She smiled. She hadn’t told me much about her but shared this was exactly her ambition.
She was an example of how we have “opposites” going on. For her, she had a background of shame which she thought was against her — until she realised that shame is a weightlift for self-empowerment and being herself, no matter what.
She confidently walked out of the room and I didn’t see her again for a while, by which point her life had totally changed and she was living her calling.
Getting over the fear of what others think
Once we’ve found out who we are and what we really want to do — now it’s about dealing with what’s in the way.
Being more you seems easy enough, until you realise what stops that is one of the biggest fears nearly everyone has — “what will they think of me if I am fully myself?” And that’s where most people stay stuck. That’s why it’s more of a rare thing to see people being fully themselves. It’s that fear that if you were to be fully yourself then others would judge you. The thing is, “they” may judge you whether or not you are being you. And if you are being you, at least you won’t judge yourself as much as you would if you were holding yourself back. When you are judged harshly it just reminds you that people’s opinions really don’t mean anything and it is a nudge to instead listen within more frequently. And to Be More You.
Feel Better, No Matter What by Michael James is published by Watkins Publishing.
